Coyote Ugly

The man grinned as he packed up his briefcase. "So, sir, you only need to consult the Bible instead of all this useless information in my encyclopedia set?"
"That's correct," said the homeowner, smiling dumbly.
"Well," said the sales rep., reaching out his hand in a conciliatory handshake, "Good luck with that."
As the salesman walked out and shut the screen door behind him, the resident couldn't help but feel there was a mocking tone in that last remark, as well as notice a rather sardonic smile. In fact, he thought he might have also heard muffled laughter as the other man walked off, every once in awhile, cupping his hand to his face.
Still, the man of the house straightened up confidently and thought, "Well, he couldn't say anything to that, could he now!"
He turned on the television. His present concern was the latest news, the most accurate, fair and balanced was of course, Coyote News.
"Yes, the conflict in Libya continues, and this President is certainly botching up this one as well," spoke a confident Caucasian news reporter, "We report; you decide."
"Libya," thought the man, "I've forgotten where that was."
So, he opened his Bible Atlas to see Libyan Desert right next to Egypt.
"That proves my point," beamed the householder.
"And," continued the news reporter, "a huge mega-tornado has hit the southern state of Alabama, demolishing it, and the President hasn't acted as swiftly and decisively as our man did with New Orleans. We report; you decide."
"Hmmm....Alabama...Where in the southern United States is that? Let's see...Tigris, Euphrates...Salt Sea...Maybe the guy means Ammon here?
That's kind of south."
The commentator went on to say, "Yes, the Tea Party-ers are simply trying to emulate the Boston Tea Party of 1773 when the colonists dressed up as Indians and tossed tea in the harbor over the British tea tax."
"Let's see," thought the man surveying the Bible Atlas once more, "this India that they're imitating seems a little ways away, farther east. Why would they want to dress up like those folks?"
"The astronauts are returning today," the newscaster continued.
"Well," said the man, "not a problem! That's in the Book of Ezekiel. Gee, I don't like the orders from the head astronaut here. Hope they're not in as foul a mood when they land!"
"I don't believe his policies are Constitutional. This policy is certainly against the Constitution!"
"Okay," thought the man, leafing through his Bible, "that must be Moses coming down from Sinai. Yup, he'd talked it over with Jethro, his father-in-law, and Jethro told Moses he couldn't do this governing without God's input. Wow, he doesn't follow the Ten Commandments?"
"We report. You decide," said the commentator.
"I'm not so sure on this one."
He looked at the salesman's card, lifted up the phone receiver and called the rep.
"I'm reconsidering getting your reference set."
"Never mind," said the rep., "I'm leaving this field to sell campaign signs to 'Bible scholars' like yourself. Encyclopedia sales is dying out. If you want to know some basics, check the internet."
From the other party's phone, he heard an abrupt,"click."